I have ministered to many young girls with major father wounds and want to share what I have seen to be true “through my eyes”.
When a father does not show up for his daughter and tells her that she needs to be “resourceful” to find her own way, if not done tactfully and with thought, he runs the risk of that becoming a lesson in teaching her to be a “manipulator.”
Especially if the task she asked of her father was a task that she could not complete on her own physically, ex: moving furniture up flights of stairs and/or a job that requires big machinery/vehicle that she does not have.
If he will not help his daughter or pay for her to have help, she either must go “sweet talk” a stranger/man into helping her or find money to pay another stranger/man to help her with the work.
Trying to find money is complicated and limited if she is high-school or college-age. This sometimes causes the wrong “resourceful” ideas to come into play.
Some girls resort to learning a lesson of: “sweet talking” to manipulate someone to get a favor, or they quickly learn they will have to pay (in some form) for the help.
Either way, if she does not have the resources or the physical strength to complete the task independently, she will need help.
This is one way father wounds are created; they are made from a dad not showing up to help his daughter and can cause a girl to learn how to manipulate others to get what she needs or wants such as physical help, protection, attention, love, etc.
One thing I have seen with my eyes is what many men “hate” about a woman is when he can tell she is manipulating him to get what she wants. But quite honestly, many fathers teach their daughters to resort to manipulation.
I am not saying that all men have taught all women to manipulate.
But specifically, to the fathers; if you are not careful, you inadvertently teach your daughter the art of manipulation to get what she NEEDS. And outside of a relationship with Jesus Christ, this will often carry further for her to manipulate to get what she WANTS.
And sadly, this newfound “art” to get what she needs/wants, can last a lifetime for some women and cause all kinds of relationship problems for years to come.
Then I wind up ministering to a young woman shunned by a young man who thought he may have loved her. But her manipulating ways have become too much for him. And he walks away.
Then as the young girl seeks healing and pours through scripture, prayer, and mentorship she learns that she has a nasty case of “manipulation of men” and some girls find that they have even turned that into manipulating everyone in their life.
Many of these girls realize it is a behavior learned very early in life. Way before she stepped into the dating scene.
If a father sees a need to teach his daughter to be “resourceful and find her way” …it may need to be about a task that doesn't require a man’s help to be accomplished!
My husband taught our daughter to work a real job at 14 years old so she would know the value of money and always have a way to be “resourceful” to pay for help rather than “manipulate” for help!
Thus she was able to keep her virtue intact!
Proverbs talks about a virtuous woman. She was very much a resourceful woman.
It plainly says that she worked and paid for the help she needed and the things she wanted.
“She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.”
Proverbs 31:16-19 ESV
I love this scripture because it gives hope to the girl who will never have a dad to show up for her.
She can teach herself to be resourceful by working hard to be able to have the resources she needs.
“For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.”
Romans 11:36 NIV
To the young Girl tired of manipulating to get what she wants…I challenge you to believe that the Lord himself is on your side.
He will help you with all you need if you put all your trust in him!
Today, I feel him challenging you to put your hope, trust, and abilities in his hands.
Ask Jesus Christ to be your source and He will provide your all your needs.
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19 NIV
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